I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just pee around me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize