Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
