Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
