so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
