How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
