i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
