halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
