you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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