How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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