It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My feet surprised me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
