$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
