Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
