wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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