So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
