Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
