in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
