glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
