THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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