Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
