I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
