i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
