i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize