next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
