so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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