It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
