he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
