whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
