I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
