from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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