He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize