if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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