First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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