...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
