Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
