based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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