Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
