you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
