My girlfriend figured out who you are.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
