I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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