I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
