the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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