she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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