Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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