New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
