2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
