YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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