You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
