Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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