Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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