Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
this hospital has no fireball
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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