Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I touched a dick in church today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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