I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize