i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
