Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
