This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
