Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize