last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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