first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
