I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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