I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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