my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
