I smell stomach acid.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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