Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
