when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
