i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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