i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
