I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
